One of the most common things I hear after a brain injury is, "I don't feel like myself anymore." But "not myself" can mean a lot of things. For one person, it might mean they no longer trust their judgment. They've lost confidence or feel disconnected. Or they just don't recognize who they are anymore. The self can mean many different things. But until we understand what "not myself" means for ourselves, it's hard to move forward.
Try: What Part Has Changed?
I am reading The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris. One of the ideas I've really liked is Russ Harris's distinction between goals and values. In brief: goals are things we can achieve. They have an endpoint. For example, getting a promotion, running a 5k, or saving $1,000 (pretty please) are all goals. You've done them; they're complete. Values, by contrast, are ongoing ways of being or directions you choose to move in. You can't "finish" being a solid friend, a learner, or an honest person. Those values can guide your actions every day, whether or not you've achieved any particular goal. They give you a direction.
Try: Pick one goal you have right now. Write for 10-15 minutes.
What do I hope this goal will give me?
If I had that, what would be different?
What value or direction is this goal pointing me toward?
Very Odysseus-coded, but in group we talked about a philosophical problem called the Ship of Theseus. Basically, the story goes that the Athenians preserved the ship of the Greek hero Theseus for generations. As the wood fell apart, they replaced the old planks with new ones. The question is: If every piece of the ship has been replaced, is it still the same ship? A boat that actually goes somewhere isn’t supposed to stay the same. But unfortunately, we don’t get to undo the things that happen to us. We only get to decide whether we’ll keep sailing.
Try this: Think about something in your life that changed you. Take 5–10 minutes and write. Answer the questions below:
What survived the journey?
What needed to be repaired?
What did you add?
What did you rebuild?
I’m observing a lot of therapy sessions, and I keep a running list of new terms I learn. Last week, I added non-fear to the list. It’s about changing your relationship to the emotion. Psychology tells us that fear often shows up for a reason. It may be trying to protect something: your sense of safety, your relationships, a routine, or a version of yourself. But alongside fear exists the possibility of meeting it with something different: curiosity, acceptance, and trust. That’s non-fear. The ability to experience fear without being controlled by it. Next time you feel fear, ask yourself:
What is your fear trying to protect?
What are you afraid of losing?
If fear could offer advice (but not make the decision), what would you choose?